It's In The Cards

Consulting the cards has become a way of life for me. This is the place where I write about my readings, their meanings, and all other types of divination.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

House of Cards

I don't even really know where to begin. You might say, "Begin at the beginning." One small problem: I'm not sure where the beginning is.

Is the beginning when I broke up with Mr. Kim? Or is it when I moved here to Reno? Is the beginning when my mom died? Or is the beginning when I finally got work after being laid off for a year? Or could it be that the beginning is here. Now. My dad's hospitalization and his deteriorating health.

I'm not sure any more. They're all beginnings in a way, and yet they're all endings, too. Like the Death card in Tarot, these things are definitely endings, but they're also beginnings. The death of one thing brings forth new life. New journeys. New hardships.

I am on the brink...of something. Despair? Anguish? Depression? All of the above?

All I know is that I've felt anxious for days. And also depressed. I've felt angry and sad and unloved and unwanted. I've felt worthless and ugly and fat and alone. So, I guess it's no surprise that seeing a wedding picture of Kim and Mr. Kim set me over the edge.

And so I did. I saw two wedding pictures and whatever bits of glue had been holding me together over the last month just broke apart. I'm not quite sure why, as I'm fairly certain I am over him and have been for a while. I don't love him any more.

Wait. Do I?

I'm pretty sure I don't. And yet...

Here I am, feeling devastated after seeing a picture of them. The funny thing is, in both pictures she looked deliriously happy. He looked... well, not deliriously happy. Then again, because of Asperger's, he is never really deliriously happy.

I sometimes still wonder what clinched the deal. I remember one of the last times we spoke, and he spoke of her. I hadn't even brought her up. But he did. They had had a fight, and in telling me about his frustration he almost yelled the words, "I am not going to marry that girl!" Those words caught me by surprise.

He explained that she was pressuring him into marriage, and he wasn't going to marry her. Yet, he said he could not come up with a good reason to not get engaged to her. And to keep her happy, he would follow through on that.

He said he wasn't excited sexually by her, no matter how hard she tried to seduce him. But...she took care of him. And did it well. And without complaint.

Ouch.

I can attempt to comfort myself by stating it's a dysfunctional relationship. And I can do that from now until kingdom come, but guess what? I saw her picture. She's gorgeous. And then I think why isn't he sexually attracted to her? Perhaps he is now. I don't know - and honestly, I don't want to know.

I know their relationship is a bit dysfunctional, but it's the type of dysfunction that works. She's dependent on making him happy. She likes knowing that she makes his life easier. She likes being his mommy. And I can make in fun of that all I want, but guess what? I'm still the loser.

I'm the one that he was with for eleven years. I'm the one that never got to walk down the aisle. And even though his sexual desire for me continued to be strong well into his relationship with her, she's still prettier than me. And younger than me. And she's the one wearing his ring.

Yet - this isn't what this is about. This is just what pushed me to the edge and left me feeling like I'm dangling on by a thread.

The truth is, the last few months have sucked. I almost feel like it's 2009 all over again. My dad is sick. My job sucks. I can't get ahead. I'm feeling my age. I don't have anyone in my life who loves me.

I've been feeling like I am barely even living. I'm scared of the future. I honestly don't even think I have one.

I'm actually at the point where I am tired of living. I don't see the point of it any more. I have no major significance to anyone. Or anything.

I've felt people pulling away from me - people who are important to me. I'm sure it's because I smell like death. Or even though I try to mask it, people can still see me for what I am: a big, fat failure. And really, who wants to hang with failure?

When this all hit me like a ton of bricks today, I left my cubical, went to my car, and sat there in the quiet. As the sun streamed through the car windows, I found it difficult to breathe and to concentrate.

I held my head as thoughts raced through my head. Unhealthy thoughts. Healthy thoughts. Moments of blankness.

One thought kept coming through loudly: Move. Get out of Reno. Go live with your dad.

But... a thousand buts. I love Reno. I have a support system here - and I honestly haven't had one since I left the Army. I have friends and social groups. I have a house that I love - absolutely love. The economy sucks in California. I have no friends there. No support system. No spiritual outlets.

Buts.

And then there are the questions. How will I sell my home (say it with me now) "in this economy"? How will I find a job? How do I get rid of my stuff? How do I date when I'm back at home? Or do I?

Questions.

Lots of questions.

The worst part of it is, I have no answers. But perhaps the real tragedy is that I think I'm running out of hope.

House of Cards

I don't even really know where to begin. You might say, "Begin at the beginning." One small problem: I'm not sure where the beginning is.

Is the beginning when I broke up with Mr. Kim? Or is it when I moved here to Reno? Is the beginning when my mom died? Or is the beginning when I finally got work after being laid off for a year? Or could it be that the beginning is here. Now. My dad's hospitalization and his deteriorating health.

I'm not sure any more. They're all beginnings in a way, and yet they're all endings, too. Like the Death card in Tarot, these things are definitely endings, but they're also beginnings. The death of one thing brings forth new life. New journeys. New hardships.

I am on the brink...of something. Despair? Anguish? Depression? All of the above?

All I know is that I've felt anxious for days. And also depressed. I've felt angry and sad and unloved and unwanted. I've felt worthless and ugly and fat and alone. So, I guess it's no surprise that seeing a wedding picture of Kim and Mr. Kim set me over the edge.

And so I did. I saw two wedding pictures and whatever bits of glue had been holding me together over the last month just broke apart. I'm not quite sure why, as I'm fairly certain I am over him and have been for a while. I don't love him any more.

Wait. Do I?

I'm pretty sure I don't. And yet...

Here I am, feeling devastated after seeing a picture of them. The funny thing is, in both pictures she looked deliriously happy. He looked... well, not deliriously happy. Then again, because of Asperger's, he is never really deliriously happy.

I sometimes still wonder what clinched the deal. I remember one of the last times we spoke, and he spoke of her. I hadn't even brought her up. But he did. They had had a fight, and in telling me about his frustration he almost yelled the words, "I am not going to marry that girl!" Those words caught me by surprise.

He explained that she was pressuring him into marriage, and he wasn't going to marry her. Yet, he said he could not come up with a good reason to not get engaged to her. And to keep her happy, he would follow through on that.

He said he wasn't excited sexually by her, no matter how hard she tried to seduce him. But...she took care of him. And did it well. And without complaint.

Ouch.

I can attempt to comfort myself by stating it's a dysfunctional relationship. And I can do that from now until kingdom come, but guess what? I saw her picture. She's gorgeous. And then I think why isn't he sexually attracted to her? Perhaps he is now. I don't know - and honestly, I don't want to know.

I know their relationship is a bit dysfunctional, but it's the type of dysfunction that works. She's dependent on making him happy. She likes knowing that she makes his life easier. She likes being his mommy. And I can make in fun of that all I want, but guess what? I'm still the loser.

I'm the one that he was with for eleven years. I'm the one that never got to walk down the aisle. And even though his sexual desire for me continued to be strong well into his relationship with her, she's still prettier than me. And younger than me. And she's the one wearing his ring.

Yet - this isn't what this is about. This is just what pushed me to the edge and left me feeling like I'm dangling on by a thread.

The truth is, the last few months have sucked. I almost feel like it's 2009 all over again. My dad is sick. My job sucks. I can't get ahead. I'm feeling my age. I don't have anyone in my life who loves me.

I've been feeling like I am barely even living. I'm scared of the future. I honestly don't even think I have one.

I'm actually at the point where I am tired of living. I don't see the point of it any more. I have no major significance to anyone. Or anything.

I've felt people pulling away from me - people who are important to me. I'm sure it's because I smell like death. Or even though I try to mask it, people can still see me for what I am: a big, fat failure. And really, who wants to hang with failure?

When this all hit me like a ton of bricks today, I left my cubical, went to my car, and sat there in the quiet. As the sun streamed through the car windows, I found it difficult to breathe and to concentrate.

I held my head as thoughts raced through my head. Unhealthy thoughts. Healthy thoughts. Moments of blankness.

One thought kept coming through loudly: Move. Get out of Reno. Go live with your dad.

But... a thousand buts. I love Reno. I have a support system here - and I honestly haven't had one since I left the Army. I have friends and social groups. I have a house that I love - absolutely love. The economy sucks in California. I have no friends there. No support system. No spiritual outlets.

Buts.

And then there are the questions. How will I sell my home (say it with me now) "in this economy"? How will I find a job? How do I get rid of my stuff? How do I date when I'm back at home? Or do I?

Questions.

Lots of questions.

The worst part of it is, I have no answers. But perhaps the real tragedy is that I think I'm running out of hope.

House of Cards

I don't even really know where to begin. You might say, "Begin at the beginning." One small problem: I'm not sure where the beginning is.

Is the beginning when I broke up with Mr. Kim? Or is it when I moved here to Reno? Is the beginning when my mom died? Or is the beginning when I finally got work after being laid off for a year? Or could it be that the beginning is here. Now. My dad's hospitalization and his deteriorating health.

I'm not sure any more. They're all beginnings in a way, and yet they're all endings, too. Like the Death card in Tarot, these things are definitely endings, but they're also beginnings. The death of one thing brings forth new life. New journeys. New hardships.

I am on the brink...of something. Despair? Anguish? Depression? All of the above?

All I know is that I've felt anxious for days. And also depressed. I've felt angry and sad and unloved and unwanted. I've felt worthless and ugly and fat and alone. So, I guess it's no surprise that seeing a wedding picture of Kim and Mr. Kim set me over the edge.

And so I did. I saw two wedding pictures and whatever bits of glue had been holding me together over the last month just broke apart. I'm not quite sure why, as I'm fairly certain I am over him and have been for a while. I don't love him any more.

Wait. Do I?

I'm pretty sure I don't. And yet...

Here I am, feeling devastated after seeing a picture of them. The funny thing is, in both pictures she looked deliriously happy. He looked... well, not deliriously happy. Then again, because of Asperger's, he is never really deliriously happy.

I sometimes still wonder what clinched the deal. I remember one of the last times we spoke, and he spoke of her. I hadn't even brought her up. But he did. They had had a fight, and in telling me about his frustration he almost yelled the words, "I am not going to marry that girl!" Those words caught me by surprise.

He explained that she was pressuring him into marriage, and he wasn't going to marry her. Yet, he said he could not come up with a good reason to not get engaged to her. And to keep her happy, he would follow through on that.

He said he wasn't excited sexually by her, no matter how hard she tried to seduce him. But...she took care of him. And did it well. And without complaint.

Ouch.

I can attempt to comfort myself by stating it's a dysfunctional relationship. And I can do that from now until kingdom come, but guess what? I saw her picture. She's gorgeous. And then I think why isn't he sexually attracted to her? Perhaps he is now. I don't know - and honestly, I don't want to know.

I know their relationship is a bit dysfunctional, but it's the type of dysfunction that works. She's dependent on making him happy. She likes knowing that she makes his life easier. She likes being his mommy. And I can make in fun of that all I want, but guess what? I'm still the loser.

I'm the one that he was with for eleven years. I'm the one that never got to walk down the aisle. And even though his sexual desire for me continued to be strong well into his relationship with her, she's still prettier than me. And younger than me. And she's the one wearing his ring.

Yet - this isn't what this is about. This is just what pushed me to the edge and left me feeling like I'm dangling on by a thread.

The truth is, the last few months have sucked. I almost feel like it's 2009 all over again. My dad is sick. My job sucks. I can't get ahead. I'm feeling my age. I don't have anyone in my life who loves me.

I've been feeling like I am barely even living. I'm scared of the future. I honestly don't even think I have one.

I'm actually at the point where I am tired of living. I don't see the point of it any more. I have no major significance to anyone. Or anything.

I've felt people pulling away from me - people who are important to me. I'm sure it's because I smell like death. Or even though I try to mask it, people can still see me for what I am: a big, fat failure. And really, who wants to hang with failure?

When this all hit me like a ton of bricks today, I left my cubical, went to my car, and sat there in the quiet. As the sun streamed through the car windows, I found it difficult to breathe and to concentrate.

I held my head as thoughts raced through my head. Unhealthy thoughts. Healthy thoughts. Moments of blankness.

One thought kept coming through loudly: Move. Get out of Reno. Go live with your dad.

But... a thousand buts. I love Reno. I have a support system here - and I honestly haven't had one since I left the Army. I have friends and social groups. I have a house that I love - absolutely love. The economy sucks in California. I have no friends there. No support system. No spiritual outlets.

Buts.

And then there are the questions. How will I sell my home (say it with me now) "in this economy"? How will I find a job? How do I get rid of my stuff? How do I date when I'm back at home? Or do I?

Questions.

Lots of questions.

The worst part of it is, I have no answers. But perhaps the real tragedy is that I think I'm running out of hope.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Daily Pull: The Chariot

I'm beginning my daily pulls again. I hope to do it every day, but let's see how long I last!

Today I used the Barbara Walker Tarot, because it just happened to be in my purse. I pulled The Chariot.

In many decks, this would be a card of action - of forward movement. However, in the Barbara Walker Tarot, the card shows a Chariot drawn by two horses: one black, one white. Both are headed in different directions.

This card shows me that I'll face some opposition today. I sense some of that opposition is from me - this is the week I'm supposed to get back on track health-wise (Atkins, exercise) and I also want to incorporate more spirituality into my daily life (back to daily pulls, morning grounding, etc.).

My desire to sleep in often counteracts my desire for improvement.

Tonight is also Black Hat Society's first meeting of the year. I don't know if I'll face opposition there - however it is a planning meeting. There are two new people who said they'll be coming - this could indicate forward movement for the group as well.

So, here's to forward movement - wherever it may lead.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Sunny and Hot

I subscribe to an e-zine by Tarot Dame. She always forwards a tarot spread - usually short and sweet. This weeks' spread was based around Litha - the longest day.

Tonight I celebrate Litha and the full moon with my covenmates. But today, I am focusing on me - where I am, what I am doing, what's going on, and what I want to do about it. Because, let's face it, while the year started out great, it's been really sucky for the last month or so.

The suckiness factor amped up this last week, and it was almost more than I could bear. So when I saw Tarot Dame's spread, titled "Sunny and Hot," I was intrigued because it's theme was focusing on the good.

It's a simple two-card spread. The first card answers the question "What's sunny about my life?" The second card answers the question "What's hot about me?"

I have the perfect deck for this spread: The Sun and Moon Tarot by Vanessa Decort. I grabbed them, sat down, shuffled the cards, and uttered the questions over and over again until the time felt right. I put the cards down, cut them (as is my personal habit), and asked the first question: What is sunny about my life?

The card I pulled: The Nine of Swords with the key word being Cruelty. Oh. That doesn't bode well. Maybe the simple truth is there is nothing about my life that's sunny right now. That happens.

I looked at the card. It shows bad stuff coming from all directions, and aimed at the head. Yes, this "cruelty" of the last few weeks has been mostly mental and verbal. It's messed with my emotions. But the physical? It's okay. And maybe that's the sunny part: the woman in the card is sitting on a cloud, her head down in her lap. She is cushioned right now, even though crap keeps coming at her.

Am I cushioned? I sometimes don't feel like I am. But, if I open my eyes up wide and look around, I do see people who are there for me: cushions, if you will. My friends Claire and James put me up two weeks ago when I was in trouble. My dad knows my life is crap right now, and splurged on a pair of Sketcher Shape-ups for me- believing that if I get out and walk, the physical might help me deal with the mental. I do have people who care about me - and maybe I just need to focus on that cushion of support I have, instead of the swords that keep coming my way.

I asked the next question: What is sunny about my life. I pulled the Seven of Wands. Again, not a great card, but the key word is Valor. The card shows a woman with a wand in her hands. She is poised to fight. She is also alone. The sky is dark. She is brave.

I sometimes get sick of hearing how brave I am. People tell me this when I am at my most low: PJammy, you just keep plugging on through. You are brave - you'll get through this. And I do - I always do. For more clarity, I read the LWB and one sentence that struck me was about staying true to oneself in the face of adversity.

I do this. Over and over again.

I was hoping for the cards to give me hope or show me that something good is just around the corner. They did not. Instead they pointed out the obvious: my life sucks right now and I am fighting to keep sane and grounded.

But... I am fighting. I am still here. And I'll get through this.

I always do. And maybe that's what's sunny about my life and hot about me: perseverance. It's not sexy, but it works.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Rebirth

Lately, I've been using the oracle deck Wisdom of Avalon by Colette Baron-Reid for my daily readings. I know, I know - heinous in light of the fact that I've been telling my tarot students to use their RWS-clone decks for readings. Still, when I started going through this major change in my life, this was the deck that called out to me, so it is the deck that I am using.

Today I decided to do a five-card spread regarding my budding relationship with G. I already know he does not want us to get serious - still I am enjoying the ride, and wondered what the cards had to say. Here it is:

Card 1: Birth-Rebirth - I've been pulling this card a lot lately. It serves to remind me that I am on a new path - one that doesn't include Todd any longer. The part that really spoke out to me today was this:

"This marker reminds you that the process leading up to a birth can feel cumbersome, restrictive, painful, and never-ending, yet the final shift brings an extraordinary gift of new life, a new vision born of surrender, and a total release. Know that you've come far and are at a place to celebrate your ideas and all things anew."

I know I definitely feel that. The death of my relationship with Todd has been painful - especially after I discovered how many lies he has told me during the last few months. So many lies, I haven't even been able to confront him about them. And yet, confronting him now will only hamper this new journey. So, I've been working on setting aside all of that, and embracing this new opportunity to feel wanted and valued.

Card 2: The Grail Knight; keywords Romance, Illusion, Seeking the Sacred. This is the first time I've drawn this card from this deck. Almost immediately I knew it's meaning, based on the role it played in the spread. The card represents the present - and also represents G.

The card's message in this place in the spread means both romance and illusion: in a new romance, there is illusion. The illusion of perfection. The card warns against the illusion, and yet adds that this card is an omen of good fortune. In other words, as long as I don't fool myself that this relationship is something it's not, it is a blessing to me.

Card 3: Joy - Again, this is a card that I've pulled several times recently - and almost always when I pull the Birth/Rebirth card. It reminds me that there is joy in moving on - in releasing the old. And as this card was placed in the Future position in the spread, it shows me that as long as I keep moving forward, Joy is mine.

The part of the book meaning that I love and hold on to is this: "Like the spring sun breaking through after a long and gloomy winter, joy reminds us to be grateful for all the gifts of life. Joy bestows the blessings of happiness. You truly have reason to smile when this marker appears on your path."

The last two cards in the spread were to point out anything I needed to be aware of - anything that might get in my way, or anything else that could help. Interestingly enough, I had a warning and a message:

Card 4 - The Wasp; keywords Anger, Retaliation, Jealousy. Yikes. I knew immediately what this card was telling me: that holding on to any jealousy or anger regarding Todd could potentially hamper my joy.

"The Wasp reminds you that pain is a choice..." I have to admit, days without G. or others in my support circle do tend to find me choosing pain rather than joy. I believe I need to be more aware of this tendency, so I can nip it in the bud before it stings me.

Card 5 - The Raven; keywords Magic, Coincidence, Synchronistic Events. I've actually pulled the Raven before, but only once before. I pulled it shortly after my REAL break up with Todd. When I pulled it then, it reminded me that I have magic on my side. And, I don't believe it meant just spells - no, I have my magical group of friends who have helped me through this patiently and lovingly. There has also been the magic of non-magical friends - you know, the call I wasn't expecting that came at just the right time. Or the offer for a free lunch or dinner to get me out of the house. Magic has been all around me since the break up, and I have been humbled by its constant appearance at the most difficult of times.

However, in this spread it serves to remind me more of the synchronicity of life. Even though I've been on dating sites for some time now, it wasn't until I fully let go of Todd that I met someone with whom I "clicked" with. And, it also wasn't until I made the decision to sever my ties with Todd that other things in my life started to fall into place.

I know that, no matter how painful, breaking up with Todd was the right thing to do for me. My path has suddenly opened up, and doors are unlocking before my very eyes. I welcome the Raven, for he affirms I am on the right path.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Just Like Magic

On the second and fourth Tuesday of the month, I "teach" a tarot class. I use the quotes, because I really organize the class more than teach it...still, it's fun and I love the group of women who show up faithfully each week.

Tonight, I'll be teaching a bit on tarot magic. I started the lesson two weeks ago, and tonight will be a follow up. However, in writing up tonight's outline I found that it felt uninspired... I just grabbed information from other sources and it felt sort of flat.

While I was deciding what to assign for homework, I came up with what I would like to think of as a brilliant idea. Instead of having the women just set up a spell at home using instructions outlined in a book, I am going to have them craft their own spell, then instruct us how to do it at the next class.

I'm so excited! I almost can't wait until the next class to see what everyone comes up with.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Joseph Ernest Martin

Joseph Ernest Martin is the designer of The Quest Tarot. If you've not seen the deck, it's beautifully illustrated and images can be found at tarotgarden.com. And for those familiar with the deck, you'll know it can be quite comprehensive as it also ties in numerology and crystals in with regular tarot images for an in depth reading.

Every so often, Joseph Ernest Martin comes through town to be part of the Reno Psychic Fair. This weekend, there was a mini-fair, and I was surprised to see him listed as one of maybe 7 readers available. I told a friend about him, and we decided to go see him.

Right now, there isn't anything extremely pressing in my life that I felt I needed to know about. I thought about what I would want to know, and decided to ask for a general reading; to check in with where I'm at on my path, what's next, etc.

When we got to the fair, my friend knew right away that Joseph Ernest Martin was the one she wanted a reading from. To be fair, we walked around just in case another reader jumped out at us...but none did. Nope...it was JEM for us.

We signed up, she first, me second. The first reading available was forty-five minutes away, so we looked around and talked. She pointed out a scam reader that was there: Renee. I have never received good vibes from her when I 've walked past, so never sat down with her. However, I had another friend taken in by her, and let Gloria know she wasn't the first, but thank goodness she didn't allow herself to be scammed (Renee seems to have some real skill, but then she always ruins it by saying crap like "you have a curse on you; for $65 dollars more I can remove it!").

It was finally time for our readings. My friend went first, and I walked away to give her some privacy. The few times I glanced over, she seemed happy. Then it was my turn.

When asked, I told JEM I just wanted to know how I was doing...what was next on my path. My reading, while not bad, was not really good, either. The basics: I need to reign it in where money is concerned. This is something I knew already, as I am making less now than I was at my previous place of employment. However, I didn't tell him this, but the cards definitely showed it.

He stressed that it was very important for me not to be extravagant in the next few months. He said I needed to make wise choices and try really hard not to buy things I don't need. He also stated that my money situation would not change next year (something else I knew and didn't tell him), but that things would be somewhat better next year.

He said now was a time to have "me" time. He said the recent past showed that I had been busy reaching a goal (and I was; I put every ounce of energy I had into finding another job). Now that the goal has been met, the rest of 2008 should be focused on rest and recuperation. He instructed me to take classes, read books, spend time with myself. He cautioned that it was not the time to pursue new things or to pile on any more activity. It was simply time to enjoy myself and to rest up from the activity that preceeded reaching my goal.

He then stated that 2009 would be a time of more activity. He said that I should be sure to get back into working out in 2009. He said it wouldn't hurt to do it now, but that I really needed to focus on that come the new year. He stated that my job seemed secure for now, however I needed to be sure the people at work were confident in my abilities. He gave me some tips on how to accomplish that.

I had more time left, so he asked if there was anything else I wanted to know about. I told him that I wasn't concerned about romance, but was curious what was on the horizon. He said there was definitely new love on the horizon, however I would have to work for it. He said that I needed to express love and interest...and not just expect that love would just happen (not that I expect it to happen that way, anyway!). He said it was there...but it was only there if I reached for it and took a more active role in meeting people.

Once again, I believe Joseph Ernest Martin hit it out of the ballpark. This is my second reading with him, and I know he was right on. I just wished the reading was more positive...it looks like the coming year will still be difficult for me, just in different ways than the last.

When oh when are things going to turn around for me? I probably should have asked...

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Love Spread

Another girl I know is keenly interested in her love live, or rather, the possibility that she'll have a love life. This reading was a bit more difficult for me, because I know of this girl's struggles with finding love. I prayed before the reading that both the God and the Goddess would help me to give a clear reading, and not put my own feelings into it.

I, of course, chose to do a Love Spread. Here's the layout:

(Card 1)

(Card 2)

(Card 3)

(Card 4) (Card 5) (Card 6)

And here's the reading (using the Whimsical Tarot):

Card 1: Your past experience in love.
Ten of Cups shows a prince carrying a princess over a threshold. I think you have a rather romanticized idea of love, based on what you may have seen in your family. I also get a feeling that you may have had a very good relationship with someone in the past. Whatever the case, it has left you with a rather idealized version of what love is/should be.

Card 2: Your current experience in love.
Seven of Cups. This card shows several forks in a road, and a road sign with arrows pointing in all sorts of different directions. I think that you've been getting a lot of mixed signals lately. It's left you feeling confused and lost.

Card 3: What you want from a love relationship.
Seven of Pentacles: This shows a girl tending to her garden. I get the impression that you'd like someone to tend to, and someone who will tend to you, too. I also get the impression that you want to grow *with* someone.

Card 4: What you need from a love relationship.
Ace of Cups. Interesting card for this position, as Ace signifies the beginning, and Cups is the emotions suit. In some ways, I guess that applies, as I feel you just simply want to begin a relationship in general. The caution here is that you may just choose anyone in your haste. Be careful, exercise good judgment. The Ace of Cups also signifies that the cup runneth over; I think you want a love relationship that fills you up so much that you will bubble over with joy.

Card 5: What you have to give to your lover.
Nine of Rods. This card shows a boy sleeping next to his horn. I think it serves to remind you to take responsibility and keep a watchful eye on your emotions in a relationship so that they don't go away. This card doesn't seem to directly apply to the position (i.e. what you have to give your lover). I think you have a lot to give, and this card reminds you to keep it all in check. Don't overwhelm your lover, so that he falls asleep.

Card 6: Possible future experience in love.
Eight of Swords. Swords is usually a suit of conflict and/or intellect. This card, once again, shows someone sleeping. The man looks as if he had been running, and fell down. He had been hunting; his dog is sniffing his injured leg. My impression is that you're the hunter, and you're looking so hard for love that you end up getting injured in the process. I caution you to take it easy, and let it come to you. Don't hunt it down, because by chasing it so fast, you may be blinded by what's right in front of you (like this guy; he fell over a stump or something, and it knocked him out).

Keep in mind that Card 6 is "possible." You can make changes in your life to prevent this from happening.

Take a step back. Don't chase love; let it come to you. Be yourself and be happy being yourself. Then and only then will you get the type of love you're looking for.

Moving On Spread

I've been doing readings for people via email for trade. I haven't written them down, and it dawned on me that I'd like to have a record of these readings, so I'm going to post the two I did today here.

First up, a woman who is thinking about changing careers and who also wanted to know if a man she just met might "be the one." Well, I concentrated on the career part for the reading, and then in the end pulled a single card to tell me more about this guy she just met. The spread looked like this:

(Card 1) (Card 2) (Card 3) (Card 4)

(Card 5) (Card 6) (Card 7) (Card 8)

(Card 9) (Card 10)

Since your main question was about your career, I did a "Moving On Spread" for you. Using the Whimsical Tarot, here are your results:

Cards 1 & 2: What you are moving away from.
The Chariot and Eight of Cups. The Chariot shows you are being torn in two different directions, and the Eight of Cups shows Little Miss Muffet fleeing from the spider. I get the impression that the situation you are in now is not a happy one. I think it was at one time, but now you feel torn and just want to flee.

Cards 3 & 4: What you are moving toward.
Four of Cups and Three of Swords. The Four of Cups shows the Emperor With No Clothes, riding through the middle of town on his horse. The townspeople are talking behind his back. The Three of Swords shows two children in the woods, and one of them is crying. My impression is that what you are moving towards is not as easy or as simple as you think it is. It may be a good solution in the long-run, but get rid of any delusions you might have that this path will be easy, because it will not.

Cards 5 & 6: Things to consider before taking action.
Ten of Rods and Nine of Cups. The Ten of Rods shows a maiden all alone, crying near some water. The Nine of Cups shows a genie coming out of a lamp. This shows me that while you will be experiencing some pain in your decision, your wish(es) can also be granted. Again, be aware that this new road will not be easy, but it will more than likely get you to where you want to be.

Cards 7 & 8: Reasons to move on.
Six of Rods and Death. The Six of Rods is Dorothy with Toto in a field. She is alone in this picture (i.e., no Tin Man, Lion, etc.), with a rainbow behind her. I believe this card shows victory for Dorothy. the Death card shows Sleeping Beauty asleep on a bed. Death signifies the end of one journey and the beginning of another. Both of these cards validate that moving on is the right thing to do. The reason, though, isn't as clear, however my impression is that by moving on, you will leave behind the unpleasantness of your current situation and reap rewards in the end.

Cards 9 & 10: Outcome.
The World and Nine of Pentacles. Wow. Two great cards in the outcome position. The World shows that, once you make this change, the world is your oyster. And the Nine of Pentacles shows success (financial security). So, even though the road will not be easy, your outcome will be much desired.

Now, as you can see this spread does not cover your relationship question. So, I decided to pull one card to tell me about this guy you're seeing. I pulled the Magician, who in this card is depicted by Puss 'n Boots. If you don't remember, Puss was very conniving and got what he wanted. He did serve his master, though, which was a good thing in the story. However, be careful; determine who this guy considers his master (God? Someone else?). Be aware; this man is charismatic and charming. He weaves a good tale, and is probably very entertaining. I'm sure he is fun to be around. Just don't jump in wholeheartedly yet. Keep your eyes open to discover what, if any, motive he has. See, it could be good and could be bad. Just keep your eyes open, and I think you'll be fine.