Sunny and Hot

I subscribe to an e-zine by Tarot Dame. She always forwards a tarot spread - usually short and sweet. This weeks' spread was based around Litha - the longest day.

Tonight I celebrate Litha and the full moon with my covenmates. But today, I am focusing on me - where I am, what I am doing, what's going on, and what I want to do about it. Because, let's face it, while the year started out great, it's been really sucky for the last month or so.

The suckiness factor amped up this last week, and it was almost more than I could bear. So when I saw Tarot Dame's spread, titled "Sunny and Hot," I was intrigued because it's theme was focusing on the good.

It's a simple two-card spread. The first card answers the question "What's sunny about my life?" The second card answers the question "What's hot about me?"

I have the perfect deck for this spread: The Sun and Moon Tarot by Vanessa Decort. I grabbed them, sat down, shuffled the cards, and uttered the questions over and over again until the time felt right. I put the cards down, cut them (as is my personal habit), and asked the first question: What is sunny about my life?

The card I pulled: The Nine of Swords with the key word being Cruelty. Oh. That doesn't bode well. Maybe the simple truth is there is nothing about my life that's sunny right now. That happens.

I looked at the card. It shows bad stuff coming from all directions, and aimed at the head. Yes, this "cruelty" of the last few weeks has been mostly mental and verbal. It's messed with my emotions. But the physical? It's okay. And maybe that's the sunny part: the woman in the card is sitting on a cloud, her head down in her lap. She is cushioned right now, even though crap keeps coming at her.

Am I cushioned? I sometimes don't feel like I am. But, if I open my eyes up wide and look around, I do see people who are there for me: cushions, if you will. My friends Claire and James put me up two weeks ago when I was in trouble. My dad knows my life is crap right now, and splurged on a pair of Sketcher Shape-ups for me- believing that if I get out and walk, the physical might help me deal with the mental. I do have people who care about me - and maybe I just need to focus on that cushion of support I have, instead of the swords that keep coming my way.

I asked the next question: What is sunny about my life. I pulled the Seven of Wands. Again, not a great card, but the key word is Valor. The card shows a woman with a wand in her hands. She is poised to fight. She is also alone. The sky is dark. She is brave.

I sometimes get sick of hearing how brave I am. People tell me this when I am at my most low: PJammy, you just keep plugging on through. You are brave - you'll get through this. And I do - I always do. For more clarity, I read the LWB and one sentence that struck me was about staying true to oneself in the face of adversity.

I do this. Over and over again.

I was hoping for the cards to give me hope or show me that something good is just around the corner. They did not. Instead they pointed out the obvious: my life sucks right now and I am fighting to keep sane and grounded.

But... I am fighting. I am still here. And I'll get through this.

I always do. And maybe that's what's sunny about my life and hot about me: perseverance. It's not sexy, but it works.