Rebirth

Lately, I've been using the oracle deck Wisdom of Avalon by Colette Baron-Reid for my daily readings. I know, I know - heinous in light of the fact that I've been telling my tarot students to use their RWS-clone decks for readings. Still, when I started going through this major change in my life, this was the deck that called out to me, so it is the deck that I am using.

Today I decided to do a five-card spread regarding my budding relationship with G. I already know he does not want us to get serious - still I am enjoying the ride, and wondered what the cards had to say. Here it is:

Card 1: Birth-Rebirth - I've been pulling this card a lot lately. It serves to remind me that I am on a new path - one that doesn't include Todd any longer. The part that really spoke out to me today was this:

"This marker reminds you that the process leading up to a birth can feel cumbersome, restrictive, painful, and never-ending, yet the final shift brings an extraordinary gift of new life, a new vision born of surrender, and a total release. Know that you've come far and are at a place to celebrate your ideas and all things anew."

I know I definitely feel that. The death of my relationship with Todd has been painful - especially after I discovered how many lies he has told me during the last few months. So many lies, I haven't even been able to confront him about them. And yet, confronting him now will only hamper this new journey. So, I've been working on setting aside all of that, and embracing this new opportunity to feel wanted and valued.

Card 2: The Grail Knight; keywords Romance, Illusion, Seeking the Sacred. This is the first time I've drawn this card from this deck. Almost immediately I knew it's meaning, based on the role it played in the spread. The card represents the present - and also represents G.

The card's message in this place in the spread means both romance and illusion: in a new romance, there is illusion. The illusion of perfection. The card warns against the illusion, and yet adds that this card is an omen of good fortune. In other words, as long as I don't fool myself that this relationship is something it's not, it is a blessing to me.

Card 3: Joy - Again, this is a card that I've pulled several times recently - and almost always when I pull the Birth/Rebirth card. It reminds me that there is joy in moving on - in releasing the old. And as this card was placed in the Future position in the spread, it shows me that as long as I keep moving forward, Joy is mine.

The part of the book meaning that I love and hold on to is this: "Like the spring sun breaking through after a long and gloomy winter, joy reminds us to be grateful for all the gifts of life. Joy bestows the blessings of happiness. You truly have reason to smile when this marker appears on your path."

The last two cards in the spread were to point out anything I needed to be aware of - anything that might get in my way, or anything else that could help. Interestingly enough, I had a warning and a message:

Card 4 - The Wasp; keywords Anger, Retaliation, Jealousy. Yikes. I knew immediately what this card was telling me: that holding on to any jealousy or anger regarding Todd could potentially hamper my joy.

"The Wasp reminds you that pain is a choice..." I have to admit, days without G. or others in my support circle do tend to find me choosing pain rather than joy. I believe I need to be more aware of this tendency, so I can nip it in the bud before it stings me.

Card 5 - The Raven; keywords Magic, Coincidence, Synchronistic Events. I've actually pulled the Raven before, but only once before. I pulled it shortly after my REAL break up with Todd. When I pulled it then, it reminded me that I have magic on my side. And, I don't believe it meant just spells - no, I have my magical group of friends who have helped me through this patiently and lovingly. There has also been the magic of non-magical friends - you know, the call I wasn't expecting that came at just the right time. Or the offer for a free lunch or dinner to get me out of the house. Magic has been all around me since the break up, and I have been humbled by its constant appearance at the most difficult of times.

However, in this spread it serves to remind me more of the synchronicity of life. Even though I've been on dating sites for some time now, it wasn't until I fully let go of Todd that I met someone with whom I "clicked" with. And, it also wasn't until I made the decision to sever my ties with Todd that other things in my life started to fall into place.

I know that, no matter how painful, breaking up with Todd was the right thing to do for me. My path has suddenly opened up, and doors are unlocking before my very eyes. I welcome the Raven, for he affirms I am on the right path.