Crystal Vision

Sunday night, I couldn't sleep. Nothing I did worked to relax me, so I thought I'd try visualization.

Now, I'm not particularly adept at visualization. However, I've had success with it enough times to give it the old college try.

I remembered that I had a pyramid-shaped crystal that I bought at the Holistic Expo in San Jose. It is made with four different crystals, all melded together to form a pyramid. I cleansed the crystal, and then went back to bed.

I laid down, and placed the crystal on my third eye. I tried my best to relax and visualize peace. Soon, all sorts of psychedelic patterns were emerging in my head. I'd never experienced anything like that before, and thought perhaps the colors and patterns were supposed to be relaxing, even though at first glance they appeared to be wild and distracting.

At some point, I relaxed, but the patterns were still bubbling about my head. All of a sudden, this inaudible voice came through and sternly said, "Step away from Todd. Lynn is the one who's right for him."

My body jumped. I grabbed the crystal, took it off of my head, and put it on my nightstand. My body shook, and I became very afraid. I never did fall asleep after that... my body just wouldn't cooperate.

My mind raced the rest of the night. Questions poured through it: "Was that voice for real?" "Am I doing the wrong thing by holding on to Todd?" "Is Lynn really the one for him, and I'm standing in the way?"

Then my thoughts flew to the crystal itself. I'd never attempted putting a crystal on my third eye before. I've read about it, but never had occasion to really do it. And while I was drawn to the crystal at the fair, I have to admit that Sunday evening when I held it, it didn't seem to resonate with me in the same way it did at the fair. It didn't appear to have neutral energy, but it didn't appear to have positive energy, either, even though I had cleansed it.

I didn't want to admit this to anyone (or here) before today... but I think the whole experience with the crystal compounded my feelings that the relationship was doomed. That's why I had no hope that we would work things out. However, our talk on Monday did give me hope.

Now it's Wednesday - the day of our counseling appointment (the counselor rescheduled it due to a conflict). I slept fine, but woke up with extreme anxiety. All of a sudden I'm filled with fear again. I can't tell if the voice was from a good source or a bad source - or if it existed at all. Was it my fear talking to me instead?

I don't know... I'm a novice when it comes to magical workings. But I do know this: I am afraid that the voice might have been true, and that scares me more than I even care to admit.